What we would have liked to hear


If only George W. had embraced libertarian principles.
The following piece is part of a satire of the State of the Union Address yesterday.

Foreign aid has been one of the darkest chapters in our modern history. Most of such aid has gone to dictators who were "in our pockets." Literally, the money has gone to the dictators and their cronies, not to the people of these horribly disadvantaged countries. The people have been disadvantaged by the oppression of their tyrannical dictators made affordable by the bribery we have supplied. This also is a basis for much of the hatred toward These United States expressed around the world.

Henceforth there will be no foreign aid. Not only is foreign aid counterproductive and immoral, it is unconstitutional.

We will cease meddling in the affairs of other states. We will discontinue foreign aid. We will stop interfering with small powers seeking nuclear weapons, but we will remind them emphatically and frequently of our MAD policy. They will appreciate that "Mutual" is a euphemism and they will be far more "mutualed" than we or France or England will be.

We will withdraw from the United Nations immediately. The documents effecting this step are arriving at the United Nations buildings as I speak, awaiting arrival of the UN officials to accept them, tonight.

We shall invite the United Nations to find a new home on other shores within two years. Delegates to the United Nations will no longer be accorded diplomatic privileges while on American soil, effective immediately, tonight; the New York Police Department is being appraised of this right now.

We shall withdraw from all our defense treaties as soon as the process can be concluded; the process has been started.

There will no longer be favored nation status for some of our trading partners. All trading partners and potential trading partners will be on an equal basis in the eyes of the United States government. Our industries and commerce will be free to trade and negotiate on whatever terms they can find.

We will eliminate all protective tariffs, import and export, immediately. We shall eliminate import and export quotas immediately. We shall eliminate internal subsidies immediately, industrial, farm and all the others. (We shall be watching our trading partners for reciprocity and will be considering retaliatory, focused tariffs or quotas where we find trade practices unequivocally deemed unfair.)

That will be the essence of our foreign policy. There will be cries of isolationism but I’m not so sure Lindbergh and Taft and Jefferson and Washington were so far off base. We will, henceforth, mind our own business, promote commerce and friendship, and avoid entanglements.

With regard to domestic issues we have mentioned some above and will elaborate on them further on. But, we’re starting with the big issues. Some of these are just recommendations at this moment but we have been gratified at the response of the few leaders we have approached in utmost confidence. The executive department has initiated most of the plans that we can effect unilaterally. We are prepared to proceed to have these proposals passed and are confident we can do so. We will pull out all the big guns.

I and my allies, a small but rapidly growing group, will not hesitate to use the big "S" word, SOCIALIST, and its close cousin WELFARIST in describing those whose so-called liberal bent earns them such a label. Socialism and welfarism have been proven, on the world stage, and pretty well here in America to be absolute losers. There was no place for such stuff in the view of the Founders; there is no place for such stuff today. The great American middle, of all ethnic and racial origins, does not like the concepts of socialism and welfarism and centralism.

Another word of pejorative tone which we will toss about liberally is, CENTRIST, referring to the tendency ever since 1789 to concentrate power in a central government. Those persons thus labeled will be dismayed to find what a large part of the media we have discretely found to be sympathetic with our efforts. And there is the internet which will be of interest to peruse, effectively now. We have been gratified at the discretion we have been able to maintain to date. This confirms the validity of the cause and the loyalty of the participants.

True though. Mostly.

— NeoWayland

Posted: Wed - February 1, 2006 at 05:05 AM  Tag


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